The Beginning - My Call

For many years, I was content to be a pastor's wife. I found absolute fulfillment in seeking God through that role and serving Him. I tried out many avenues of ministry at different seasons of my life. I never wished for more and never imagined anything different.

Then about four years ago, I began to hear God calling me into ministry. Very specifically - into worship ministry. I long resisted that calling, because I am not vocally gifted to be a worship pastor. I could not see outside that role and that box and so I did not surrender. I did not understand why God would call me differently into ministry. I was already in the ministry. Being a pastor's wife is being called and involved in ministry. What more could God have planned?

As time passed, the call became harder to resist. Music began to overtake my mind, my heart, and my soul. It became an absolute obsession....almost an addiction if you will. No matter how hard I tried, I could not listen long enough, play hard enough, or worship often enough to make the hunger go away. The other extreme was worse. Avoiding music was painful....almost physically so. I reached the point where I thought I would be consumed by the fire in my soul. And I knew that the fire would not be quenched without surrender.

And so, finally, just a couple of weeks ago, I surrendered. "Yes, God....I can't see where you plan to take this...a non-vocalist in worship ministry? Really....couldn't you find somebody more qualified? I teach first grade and play a bit of piano. But okay....you get to be the boss." Then the dots slowly began connecting. (After the surrender, because that's the way God usually works) I love writing almost as much as I love worship. What if God combined the two? Maybe I don't have to be a vocalist after all. Maybe there are other things to do in worship ministry besides lead worship.

My husband has given me his blessing to pursue my call, with a few stipulations. For example, I cannot leave my current job until I am able to provide an equitable salary and benefit package. I honestly am not sure where God is planning to take me on this journey. And so, I am beginning small...with this worship blog. My hope is that in the blogging, I will discover some answers about my calling. I am asking that as you read, pray. Pray that God would open doors and give me great wisdom about where to go from here.